Clash of the Titans (12A) **
Directed by: Louis Leterrier
Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Gemma Arterton
Fond memories of 1981’s original Clash - a tatty sword-and-sandals romp that set a pre-L.A. Law Harry Hamlin against Ray Harryhausen’s stopmotion creations - should be set aside going into this exceptionally silly remake, which boasts some of the least dynamic 3D yet bolted on to a film in post-production. As humble fisherman Perseus, humbly negotiating whatever the gods throw at him, Avatar beefcake Worthington appears thoroughly ill-at-ease in his miniskirt, but that’s nothing: good god Zeus (Neeson) sports a Bacofoil outfit remaindered from the Glitter Band, while bad god Hades (Fiennes) has been styled somewhere between John Travolta in Battlefield Earth and snooker’s own Willie Thorne.
Best not to question the intelligence of a film that casts Gemma Arterton - Gemma Arterton! - as the Oracle, and which squanders considerable expense and programming man-hours on making itself resemble Hollywood’s biggest flop of 1964. Leterrier’s battle sequences, all apparently shot around the same quarry, would play just as averagely without the stereoscopic specs, while a variably convincing supporting cast (including, erm, Skins’ Nicholas Hoult) don breastplates and venture their best Gerard Butler impersonations. It may just raise a smile, but it’s cheesier than the fondue at a Roman orgy.